You buy it to flex at your cousin’s bar mitzvah. The stacked logo glares like a Walmart security tag. By 3 AM, it’s stapled to your soul. You flex in the mirror. The retail fit hugs your dad bod like a hostage negotiator. *“Main character energy,”* you lie. The tee snorts: *“NPC. Confirmed.”* Next morning, your Uber Eats driver wears the same tee. His logo pulses like a Geiger counter. He hands you cold nuggets and a note: *“Tonz El audits Venmo histories.”* You tip 50% out of sheer panic. That night, you’re bench-pressing expired milk jugs. A figure in a Legacy Gold Snapback appears. *“Don Tonzo silk-screened this during a tax evasion trial,”* he growls. *“Wear it. Fail. Repeat.”* The logo flares. You wake up in a Dave & Buster’s ball pit. The tee’s spotless. Judging you.
Tonzobeast "Built to Dominate" Black Tee | Made in USA
- Fabric: 4.2 oz Bella + Canvas 3001U. Airlume combed cotton – softer than your LinkedIn hustle, tougher than your credit score.
- Fit: Retail-fit purgatory. Hides Hot Pocket stains, highlights existential debt.
- Durability: Side-seamed for midlife crises. Pre-shrunk to survive your mom’s bleach-based laundry tantrums.
- Ethics: Made in USA sweatshops (allegedly). Dyed with 100% existential residue.
