You buy it to flex on your ex’s Instagram story. The Triple T emblem glares back, its claw marks screaming *“I peaked in high school.”* By dusk, it’s grafted to your sternum. You flex in the mirror. The relaxed fit drapes over your dad bod like a funeral shroud. *“Alpha as hell,”* you lie. The tee hisses: *“Beta. Confirmed.”* Next morning, your DoorDasher wears the same tee. His Triple T glows radioactive white. He hands you cold fries and a note: *“Tonz El sees your credit score.”* You tip 40% out of shame. That night, you’re doing push-ups in a Walmart parking lot. A figure in a Legacy Gold Snapback materializes. *“Don Tonzo airbrushed this during a police chase,”* he snarls. *“Wear it. Fail. Repeat.”* The emblem flares. You wake up in a Chuck E. Cheese ball pit. The tee’s pristine. Judging you.
Superbeast Black Short Sleeve T-Shirt | Tonzobeast Original
- Creator: “Don Tonzo” (confirmed via restraining order). Clark Kent’s gym bully.
- Material: 100% Bella Canvas 3001 (4.2 oz). Combed cotton so soft it mocks your calluses. Pre-shrunk to survive your mom’s “helpful” bleach incidents.
- Fit: Relaxed-fit purgatory. Hides Cheeto dust, highlights existential voids.
- Durability: Double-needle sleeves for arm curls and identity crises. Tear-away label for quick ego disposal.
- Ethics: WRAP-certified (allegedly). Dyes contain 0% self-awareness.
