The alley reeks of fish guts and diesel. You’re crouched behind a dumpster, a half-eaten tuna roll in one hand, a switchblade in the other. The feral cat colony you’ve been bribing for intro hisses in unison. A neon sign flickers: *“FEED ME OR FLEE.”* Enter the Feed Me Meowtherfucker Tee—*6.1 oz of Gildan 64000 cotton* frayed like your last nerve. Designed by Don Tonzo during a 3 AM bender with a stray calico named Lucifer, this tee isn’t clothing. It’s a *feline uprising*. The “Feed Me Meowtherfucker” graphic glows under UV like a predator’s snarl, screen-printed with ink mixed with espresso and spite. You toss the tuna. The cats swarm. The mercenary tracking you freezes. “You’re dead.” You smirk. “Wrong. I’m *hangry*.” The tee’s double-stitched seams hold firm as you vault the fire escape. Lucifer follows, tail flicking like a metronome of chaos. Don Tonzo’s laughing somewhere, probably trading blueprints for catnip.
